[02]Chase your Dreams

There's no time to Bleed

I regarded that the World is such a sad sight. Everyone is living in Fear, of the next person, the next event. I'm not afraid of this World... yes it's a scary thought but I stand. Lately just looking in the mirror makes me fall back into my memories. All the pain I had to endure.... all that pain, how much must I endure till I reached the breaking point. Did I even reach one at all? I've spoken to Mother Nature lately, and it seems as though the air that was just humid for the longest time today, came to a cool breeze, wrapped around me. It was enchanting, I was captured by it's rapture. I opened up my eyes today to the night sky and I looked closer to see little stars, there are more I know... bigger ones too. Little ones just want to shine. Stars, Stars, Stars. They're so enticing, Didn't I used to shine like that? I'm not falling into any place right now, I'm just emotionally tired... Yet I let this all keep going and going and going anyway. I'm stuck in July, back where I was truly entirely happy for once in the longest time. How I lust for him, his touch, his lips on mine, knowing he's smiling while we kissed. His arms around me were the only security I had, I miss every second of him near me. And I feel that nearly 90% of myself is gone, I feel transparent. We've fought and gotten into such frustrating situations for a while. I could have sworn I would have lost him for good. He's been down lately... and he's told me that I haven't been being a best friend. Now I have to prove to him that I love him dearly, forever and always and prove that I do care about him. Why must I work so hard to keep this together, I'm tired... I want to sleep but I don't, days I'll go without sleep for a few days, rest a few hours and be back to what I'm doing. Where would all this be without the feelings from me you drained out, and yet you can't explain what's going on. I feel that sometimes I'm breaking at the seams of my skin. My love for you is so unconditional. I truly do love you. I want to know what's wrong with you, you don't tell me as much on your mind as you used to. You really don't. Just please let me save you because nothing seems to be functioning right now. So here I go, take a breath, count to three, and jump into the still cold water where on the other side everything is cold and blue where I lay in that chill water floating, watching the little bubbles escape out of my mouth slowly, steadily, ready to drown but live forever. Did you ever think we would go this far and now put our back to another and walk away, no, I will not walk away, we haven't gone anywhere. I'm in a phase of remaking myself remember? This is a phase I've put myself into, A temporary shut down of my system. I feel my mind getting steady, my hands getting cold, my heart beat slowing, my eyes fading losing that shine of caramel brown everyone always saw the beauty of in me. People ask why I'm always smiling by myself in pictures. I guess I just like taking pictures of myself. I do smile with others though. People tell me how much of a great girl I am, how I'm wonderful and beautiful. Beautiful... hmm, wonderful? My looks weren't enough to keep him here.