Oh, gently, please. Stop talking about dying, like we haven't already tried it.
When I woke up, it was already Morning. What had happen back in July wasn't a dream. It wasn't... A dream... How imperative he is to me. It's pathetic to be smiling everyday, looking and being happy as much as I can be, and yet, when everyone's gone and asleep, it's 3am and I'm crying by myself. This Fantasy filled Reality Romance. It's over, it's completely, I just want everything to end, not just me. I've been so depressed and angry, over and over, it makes me sick and I cringe at every thought especially with the thoughts I type down in the start of numbering these blogs. At the very moment, you're screaming and crying leaving a vexation in everyone's mind glaring at the annoyance you are and they're always telling you, "It'll be okay, you'll feel better soon, everything will all blow over, you'll get over it." It isn't you in this position so what do you truly, honestly know? No one can get into my mind and comprehend and no one has really has the exact same emotional level I do. My heart was given back to me, I found what I lost and I'm not giving it to anyone or giving it back until I see this in the future. I feel to find out that it's too late to have my feelings show. After speaking with him that one day, I told him that I loved him very much, always have, forever and will stay, then he tells me to "prove it, if you truly love me, prove it" And reading that text made me think of his voice strongly in my head, it pierced through me... prove? Really? Do I have to work hard and prove my Love to you? MY LOVE. I've always loved you, that's never changed, I'm a little messed up right now but why do you have to make it seem like you doubt me, I'm the one doubting your love for me when you've got her name and the day you began a life of spending the rest of the days with her all over your arms. My heart's just locked and I hold the key, there's no spare. If anyone ever tried again, I'll throw my key in the ocean, see who takes enough courage and time to go swim the seven seas to look for this key just to unlock my feelings. There was so much unconditional love for you, so much care, time and effort, I put all of my energy into this relationship, I did so much work, and even with this stupid fucking distance, nothing was enough to keep you here with me. Let's go back, it was my fault saying I just wanted to be best friends, because I was hurt knowing you liked someone else, knowing you liked her, and I hate that, I hate everything. I truly envy you, I envy and adore you at the same time, I adore and envy the strength you have to not have these sorts of things to linger and hinder you from moving on. I can't do that, I just can't. You only like her don't you? Well I love you, you love me right? So why won't you be with me? Distance? Oh... that's right, this distance... You make me feel imperfect. You're on my mind every second of everyday, even now, and I'm crying, I'm crying so much, I can't fathom the words that mean how much expression in my feelings that I have for you. You're just number one to me and I'm just weak. I'm weak without you, you're touch, your affection. I can't fathom how much of a strong person you are to stand there quietly to see another human being die emotionally. I love you so much, I really do, I love you a lot, and I always will. I will and have kept my promises but I suppose this is just something with a great reason that you couldn't keep this time around...
I will always love you just couldn't last and you mean more than the world does to me, all fell short in one quick and easy drop. The relationship we have is so strange, seems vile but so very right. To go around everyday and people know "They're best friends, they've always been best friends" To go around with that smile everyday and tell people how much of a great person you are, especially to me, run around making sure you're alright, and people see how much damage I take from it all the time. From now on, no one will ever know that I am and was your ex, everyone will address me as that true best friend you claim me to be and hope you do. They will never know that you are my One True Love, one that I will never hold hands with, never get to kiss you many many times, never get to say 'I love you baby, good night and sweet dreams!' while your arm is around me lacing fingers with my other hand. I'll never get to wake up to your sweet face sleeping soundly, then waking up a few minutes after with your bright blue eyes. Never will for a very long time... and I'm dying, this is all killing me softly and too easily. My emotions are run down and I'm thinking too much. I love you and I always will, what more do I need to do or say to really prove that?
I will always love you just couldn't last and you mean more than the world does to me, all fell short in one quick and easy drop. The relationship we have is so strange, seems vile but so very right. To go around everyday and people know "They're best friends, they've always been best friends" To go around with that smile everyday and tell people how much of a great person you are, especially to me, run around making sure you're alright, and people see how much damage I take from it all the time. From now on, no one will ever know that I am and was your ex, everyone will address me as that true best friend you claim me to be and hope you do. They will never know that you are my One True Love, one that I will never hold hands with, never get to kiss you many many times, never get to say 'I love you baby, good night and sweet dreams!' while your arm is around me lacing fingers with my other hand. I'll never get to wake up to your sweet face sleeping soundly, then waking up a few minutes after with your bright blue eyes. Never will for a very long time... and I'm dying, this is all killing me softly and too easily. My emotions are run down and I'm thinking too much. I love you and I always will, what more do I need to do or say to really prove that?
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