You give me Heart Attacks

It still hasn't hit me, should it have affected me at all the slightest bit by now? At all really. Me and Amber haven't talked since she said what she's said to me, I guess her words legit, but that doesn't bother me, does that show I don't care? I care, I care a lot, about her and all, but I guess breaking a friendship is just, I don't know, just no affect, it just happens.

I sort of get annoyed when Dylon doesn't answer my texts a little faster when having a conversation. And I hate it when he always leaves to go skateboarding, though he says I'm imperative to him, I don't feel so important enough to sacrifice the day to talk to. But then again, we don't even talk anymore, we barely have anything to talk about and it's always by texting and im. I'm not blaming just him, sure his excuses with no signal or he never got my message, yeah i understand, if he tells me I'll believe it. But it just bothers me, I feel so non-important. We barely talk... it's so much better in person but when we're like this again in a sense it's like driving each other away. I miss it so much when we would talk on the phone constantly, day in, day out, phone, im, texting (whenever he got a phone) And it would go on forever... He wouldn't care about anything else but talk to me. But sitting at the computer or laying down with a phone in the ear is a waste of time now that I truly get to say it, what's so great about talking to me? I'm not so interesting anymore and hey, at least he's got a life, feeling high, skateboarding obliviously, chillin with kids. Having fun, and as for me, I've got my own things too and still free time at night for my loved ones online.

I still remember when it felt like I was the only one he would want to be with, talk to and with. Now he's probably got other girl friends that are just good friends, talking and such. I guess I'm just jealous, I wish I was the only girl he focused on, I'm not saying to cut out every girl around him, that wouldn't be right and i want him to have and make friends with anyone, it's just the fact that I wanna be the one he would constantly talk to and talk about, but even when texting or calling he can't cause with people around he finds it rude. It makes me wonder if I'm a rude person because at certain points where he did actually call me, i left my group of friends to find a quiet place to talk to him... He was worth the conversation more than what happened in Drama class at school the other day or who sucked off who that one night back in June.

Dylon's dad has been getting maddd drunk lately, it's really starting to worry me... I remember when Dylon told me after a talk about how much after my dad died I constantly want a father figure that i can just be friends with not necessarily be taken in as an actual daughter and all that. Because after Dwayne abandoning me as a Father and Friend It's just fucked up after my dad died he said he'd treat me like the little girl he'd never have because him and his wife at the time couldn't have kids, now he's married another woman, got another kid and a better family. Typical.

But Dylon told me that his dad would be my dad and though my mom is strange, she'd be his new mom. And though me and his dad don't talk much either, I do care about him a lot. I really do. I'm so tired right now. So sick and I procrastinated way too much today, I need to do homework...