My heart hurts so bad...

It's not even funny, I felt so relieved when I spoke to Dylon this morning, the other phone call he told me that he had no phone service so he couldn't pick up, and then, after that, I called everyone else a few times more... and still no one picked up.

I'm starting to believe that my friends actually gave up caring about me a little. The only people who've actually spoken with me are Dylon, Alex, and Lindsey. I haven't gotten any messages or comments from Amber or Nikki... and even worse for me, Diyahna. I miss her so much. I brought her stuff with me in my bag and I was looking at them last night, my sketchbook, filled with just the many good few of drawings attached with letters and a kandi necklace that said her name with a pair of ballerina slippers attached, I broke down.

My ode of being best friends and forever each other's halves... the only person in my life that i've called my other half, who called me her little sister, i failed, miserably. No matter what anyone says, I failed. I was the one that let go of our friendship, all we did was fight, all for stupid reasons that I spoke of that upset her. Sam... Sam Driscoll, the guy that I called my older brother, I failed as well.

Amber, my only true best friend and older sister, last year in the summer, I hurt her, I broke her apart, her ( now ex ) boyfriend at the time only made my matters worse, believed that she was so much better off with out me, Amber ignored me, thought of me as the worst, I ruined her, she didn't want me around, and even after everything was over, after she said she never wanted me to leave her life like i was about to. I still lock myself from her, I looked up to her, I still do, I was weak.

Actually, I just spoke with her not to long ago, I learned and realized, and read things from her i never knew, that totally changed my ways about thinking she didn't care about me, i just know she loves and cares about me so much now.

Dylon is probably in school right now, i'm hoping to stay on my uncle's laptop for a couple more hours, because of the fact that he'll be online at school for a little bit, and i wish to speak with him, although, i might as well just wait until 1 or 2am right now to speak with him since he'll be out of school at that time. I love him so much, I saw a picture of him on myspace and damn, did i want to cream myself. he's been working his body, such a bad boy, tempting me, awaiting for me to touch his rock hard abs and fit body.

We went on the subject of sexual manners heh, I told him how im able to get a tattoo and a few piercings on my ears possibly. we'll see, because now i know i can totally get them.

well, i'm off, till the next time i get a hold of the laptop.<3

<3Rainy.

P.S:... umm, i'm horny ;3
Dylon if you're reading this, fix this.