This morning I was sleeping soundly, but then I felt sort of, half asleep then. I all of a sudden found myself gripping my sheets, insides are twitching and twinging, my breathing became heavy, thick, unable to take in any air. I could hear my heartbeat over my breath, I got so scared, I thought I was absolutely truly going to die. But then, I woke up and threw my kitten Miki over. she was sleeping on my face, that's right, on my face. and I almost died because of her.
NEWSPAPER HEADLINE:
15 YEAR OLD GIRL DIES FROM CAT ON FACE
more details on Page 3.
PAGE 3:
EPIC FAIL
15 YEAR OLD GIRL DIES FROM CAT ON FACE
more details on Page 3.
PAGE 3:
EPIC FAIL
Anyway, after I had an overall good day, I couldn't stop thinking about Dylon because last night we were texting till he fell asleep, the whole time since we texted yesterday he sort of replied late, and i kept thinking i said wrong things or he was just busy. late late late replies, i was starting to get annoyed, but really, I didn't. But then, he told me that other people were calling him, the text that struck me was; "I was on the phone with people, I'm sorry, but I can talk to you. Finally" ...Finally?
And then I asked him what he meant by that and he told me he missed me and that he's been meaning to speak with me because he missed speaking to me. And best believe it, I felt my face flush, my face was pink, I was blushing, my heart beat so quickly but suttle. I'm not falling deeply for him again, I'm just in my crush mode as always like i was before we went out. And i'm okay with it. I mean, honestly right now if Dylon wants to go out with another girl, I don't mind, I will be honest and go ahead and say I will be jealous I will be a little heartbroken, but truthfully, our relationship is just going to end up being together till we're married, at least, that's what i fully believe. I like where we are right now, close friends and still talking. We talked on the phone for a little bit today, I was... so ecstatic to be on the phone with ihm, to hear such a friendly and sweet voice from that boy. but he had to go. bedtime rules by his father's girlfriend. pathetic.
My question right now that I just texted him saying; "When I see you again, would you kiss me...?"
Ugh, shoot, my cat just scratched me, it burns.For such little blood, it tastes so good.
Anyway, today was fun, I went over ot Matt's house today, I haven't seen him in about 5-6 months, it's been way too long. I swear to him he's gotten taller, hehe, he's so funny. We went to Church around 6 and met up with Abby. I've missed everyone so much at Church! Such welcoming hugs, I felt so at home and I had sooo much fun. I saw Mikey, Jenya, just so many people, it makes me happy to be around them. Hehe, I'm starting to live Life again, and possibly get a little closer to God again, or remain, who knows, I have faith.
There was some sort of skits and testemony's being shared at the service tonight, it was breathtaking and all so very razed, those people's lives, catharsis being poured out of their hearts. I've felt their despair... there was so many funny skits, one of Jerry Springer with the Easter Bunny, Santa's helper (elf) and some St Patricks guy. all funny, strange, and just... sketchy.
After all that we went to a cafeteria for the donation drive, and there were goodies! Nomyumnommins! Cakes and cupcakes, cookies and so much more, it smelled so so good. I had everything. When Joe came over and patted me on my shoulders and asked me how I was doing all I did was spazz out and say; "I'm on a sugar high!" it was funny hehe.
Well, coming home was nice, talked to Diyahna after so long, our talk was pleasant, but then it all just went off, and personally I have to say it's her fault for starting to think about Sam, she said something first, and it's also my fault for continuing the conversation. And she told me I didn't understand her, no one does, but one person does, and that's Elaina. I don't understand many things, I do but I don't. I've been in the shadows again lately, watching, pretending I don't understanding, actually not understanding. What a gift. She wrote a poem, a goodbye poem to a friend. It makes me wonder if she's possibly talking about Sam or maybe me. I don't know if I even am but i've been said to be very close to her, she's my other half. My better darker half. But even if it were about me, it's all fine. I honestly haven't been the best of friends with anyone lately. But I've been making effort. I was very upset when she decided to go offline on me. I don't know if she abruptly got kicked off or she decided to ditch and book after. But whatever her case she was doing just fine when she was talking to me. I'm not saying a word about Sam ever again. It's just not worth it for her. All we do is fight in every conversation we have ever since their relationship with Sam and Diyahna went downhill and split in November. It's just not worth it, I cried for her, to her, desperately, in despair. I put myself all in pain. She's a great girl, just wow, our friendship is just... horrible. But I still care about her. But hey, she's graduating and i'm proud of her, whatever happens and if destiny feels we're not really each other's halves, then i know how to let go... I can recreate, find something else.
Wow, for some reason my heart sank, my dependant personality disorder strikes 10 fold...
I am so fatigued, I need sleep. and more water. Did I forget to mention? I only have 2 out of 20 anti depressants left. Should I take them?
And then I asked him what he meant by that and he told me he missed me and that he's been meaning to speak with me because he missed speaking to me. And best believe it, I felt my face flush, my face was pink, I was blushing, my heart beat so quickly but suttle. I'm not falling deeply for him again, I'm just in my crush mode as always like i was before we went out. And i'm okay with it. I mean, honestly right now if Dylon wants to go out with another girl, I don't mind, I will be honest and go ahead and say I will be jealous I will be a little heartbroken, but truthfully, our relationship is just going to end up being together till we're married, at least, that's what i fully believe. I like where we are right now, close friends and still talking. We talked on the phone for a little bit today, I was... so ecstatic to be on the phone with ihm, to hear such a friendly and sweet voice from that boy. but he had to go. bedtime rules by his father's girlfriend. pathetic.
My question right now that I just texted him saying; "When I see you again, would you kiss me...?"
Ugh, shoot, my cat just scratched me, it burns.For such little blood, it tastes so good.
Anyway, today was fun, I went over ot Matt's house today, I haven't seen him in about 5-6 months, it's been way too long. I swear to him he's gotten taller, hehe, he's so funny. We went to Church around 6 and met up with Abby. I've missed everyone so much at Church! Such welcoming hugs, I felt so at home and I had sooo much fun. I saw Mikey, Jenya, just so many people, it makes me happy to be around them. Hehe, I'm starting to live Life again, and possibly get a little closer to God again, or remain, who knows, I have faith.
There was some sort of skits and testemony's being shared at the service tonight, it was breathtaking and all so very razed, those people's lives, catharsis being poured out of their hearts. I've felt their despair... there was so many funny skits, one of Jerry Springer with the Easter Bunny, Santa's helper (elf) and some St Patricks guy. all funny, strange, and just... sketchy.
After all that we went to a cafeteria for the donation drive, and there were goodies! Nomyumnommins! Cakes and cupcakes, cookies and so much more, it smelled so so good. I had everything. When Joe came over and patted me on my shoulders and asked me how I was doing all I did was spazz out and say; "I'm on a sugar high!" it was funny hehe.
Well, coming home was nice, talked to Diyahna after so long, our talk was pleasant, but then it all just went off, and personally I have to say it's her fault for starting to think about Sam, she said something first, and it's also my fault for continuing the conversation. And she told me I didn't understand her, no one does, but one person does, and that's Elaina. I don't understand many things, I do but I don't. I've been in the shadows again lately, watching, pretending I don't understanding, actually not understanding. What a gift. She wrote a poem, a goodbye poem to a friend. It makes me wonder if she's possibly talking about Sam or maybe me. I don't know if I even am but i've been said to be very close to her, she's my other half. My better darker half. But even if it were about me, it's all fine. I honestly haven't been the best of friends with anyone lately. But I've been making effort. I was very upset when she decided to go offline on me. I don't know if she abruptly got kicked off or she decided to ditch and book after. But whatever her case she was doing just fine when she was talking to me. I'm not saying a word about Sam ever again. It's just not worth it for her. All we do is fight in every conversation we have ever since their relationship with Sam and Diyahna went downhill and split in November. It's just not worth it, I cried for her, to her, desperately, in despair. I put myself all in pain. She's a great girl, just wow, our friendship is just... horrible. But I still care about her. But hey, she's graduating and i'm proud of her, whatever happens and if destiny feels we're not really each other's halves, then i know how to let go... I can recreate, find something else.
Wow, for some reason my heart sank, my dependant personality disorder strikes 10 fold...
I am so fatigued, I need sleep. and more water. Did I forget to mention? I only have 2 out of 20 anti depressants left. Should I take them?
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