Friends Forever

The power puff girls remind me of my friendship with my true best friends, no, not anymore, not even considered my best friends, my sisters, Nikki and Amber, me being in the middle, since I'm the only one who wears bows. I love those 2 so much. Ever since Amber left, I've been heart broken, we had some trouble Summer 2008, it was the worst, and it was all thanks to her ex-boyfriend Cam. He's so idiotic, I wish to punch him in the face, for everything. My heart hurts thinking about the pain I went through with everything.

I've met these lovely girls in Summer 2001, it was strange, but amazing at the same time, I remember sometime after I went to Amber's 13th birthday party, I had so much fun, even though i didn't know anyone, I was so shy and scared. Her brother was sorta mean to me back then. He's bipolar today. Amber means so much to me, I can tell her everything so easily, but now, i just can't. I don't I mean. Today is May 22nd, it's her 17th Birthday.
Happy Birthday Amber Marie! I love you so much!

We haven't been talking lately, she never said happy birthday to me a couple days back, hmm, maybe she's busy. I'm not upset about it or anything.

I loved going out in the rain with her and swimming in thunder. And I loved sleeping over her house. She's an amazing girl, how could you forget her. Such gentle features, amazing eyes. I love that girl. I need her every day. It's my fault I'm distant, yet I make no improvement or any progress to change that. Same with Nikki, she's still around and she's right across the fucking street. I'm no friend to anyone, haha.

I should smack myself.

What good would that do?

Then maybe,
I should punch myself

You're doing it wrong again...

Maybe ramming me into a brick wall?

You suck, just shoot yourself.

So negative, tsk tsk, I should remember, "I feel good every day because I make myself feel good, no negativity around." But for some reason that sounds so hard. I absolutely have no idea why. Why indeed?

Abby is also my little sister, i love her so much, that stubborn little girl. it makes me cry that I put her through my own immaturity too. I love staying at her house, it's so calming and peaceful, and I love Dauntie, i don't know why but i'm always so happy eating her cooking and being around their dog Emily Starbucks. I hope Abby and her family does well, because I feel their going down... my prayers are always with them.

Hmmm... Where's Diyahna? She's been gone a while, I should probably make a call... but I feel like i'll start crying. I don't know why. Well, I hope she's safe for sure. Her graduation is coming up, I'm so proud of her...

Where is the zeal in my expression, I'm so blank most of the time. You know, I just sit there, especially in class since most of my time is in school, I just suddenly get a digital reaction and a bunch of pixels, and glowstick flashes and millions and millions of memories put on pictures run through my mind like memory in a computer, 1's and o's wildly rush by, and quotes, sayings, all in different voices, clashing together. Ugh, it's happening again, I'm getting a headache, pandemonium inside my head again...

I'm suddenly worried about Amber and Dylon, like.. a lot. What is going through their minds? I feel like i'm about to have a panic attack again. I don't want to lose them, I need them. I need them so much. I don't ever want them to leave. I seem to like crying a lot, it's all I ever do everytime I write more and more thoughts, I cry... I realize more things about myself and my world.

4:o1am
I'm still on the phone with Dylon, but I believe he's sleeping, he's so cute.
I love him so much, but now I can't say it.
But I guess a little note here wouldn't hurt.

"I love you Prince, [ kisses softly ]" ♥
I miss him when he calls me his baby angel, his princess, his everything.

I feel like I'm nothing.
Inside and out...