How much do I love you?

To me, 1300 miles is just a number.
This Distance is all in our heads.
When we're old and grey, I see us holding each other up instead of using canes.
I tolerate your bad, your good, your insanity.
I try in the smallest way to make your day better, even if I'm feeling ready to die.
I love you more than Allie loves Noah.
I love you more than Juliet loves her Romeo.
I love you more than all the Disney princesses love their princes.
I'd swim the ocean for you even if I die eaten by a shark.
I love you more and the same each passing minute of the day.
Is it safe to say that I love you more than anyone else?
Because I want to admit and prove that.

If I accepted Reality

Everything would be gone forever.
Somehow that's scary, somehow it sounds relieving.

I always wonder who and what I would miss if I left forever..
And sometimes it makes me want to cry..

I don't know anymore.

I've never been so fucked up in my life about everything.

Well

I exist too you know.

Fuck today.

I'm tired of living.

momentai

venting is always gooooooood to me...

What strength do I have really.

Going through life by myself is the worst, no one cares. I've put walls down and left a door open and unlocked. No one's there and no one's going to help. I don't want to go to anyone for help, I wanna see who will bother. Even with obvious hints, no one cares. I don't want to talk anymore, I don't want to say anything anymore. I wanna lay down. I've wasted so much of my time and life for nearly nothing. No one wants to be around. Fuck this place, I swear we need to find some comfort in this run down place.

Why do I give being such an immature child with my emotions. Fuck the phone, fuck the computer, fuck this. I don't know what it's like to truly be alive anymore. Living on my own going to my own beat has got to be the worst thing I have to do, fake smiles, fake laughs, unsatisfied hugs and not enough love. I just wanna go away, because no one wants me to stay, even though I've always wanted to leave, no one wants to stop me, but I guess that's fine.

I'll find my belonging one day, if not, I'll be there when I'm dead in 80 years. If I make it anyway.

i just woke up

And I got three of Dylon's text, it made me upset that I wasn't awake to answer them, but the other night I stood up... allll night, and my god I was way too tired.

And I was pretty hungry, so I went into the kitchen to see what my mom might have made. And to my surprise, She cooked pasta. With all my favorite vegetables and made some sort of creamy chicken sauce. I'm shocked because I told her when she came home I'd make garlic chicken, but i fell asleep. And she went through the effort to make this... so i'm eating some of it now, for an asian to cook something outside of the asianness, she cooks really good.

i love the hatelove relationship i have with her.

All the drugs may keep you up

But you're going Down

Everyone here is so fucked up, no one has hope, maybe out side of here, no one else does too. But right now, this is the worst kind of sad town I've ever lived in, and the even more disappointing thing is, I can't help them.

Should I? Am I allowed to? My heart can't reach anybody.
Going through life by myself sounds weird.

It hurts when you're hurting too.

You don't deserve that.

Suddenly,

I'm having anxiety, nervous, paranoid and can't relax right now.

Today was just wrong....

It was okay, till Dylan decide to hold me and bite my neck
It hurts to twist or lean my head to the side.
it's sort of swollen.
And it just hurts.
:/

I'm tired, i'm so tired. i want a weekend of sleep but i don't want to be lazy.

Me, you, bed, now

This sexual frustration is killing me.

I can't let you go

He made his way to the bar
I tried to talk to her but he seemed so far
Out of my league
I had to find a way to get him next to me

I'm falling in love
But it's falling apart
I need to find my way back to the start
When we were in love
Things were better than they are
Let me back into...
Into your arms
Into your arms

Oh he's slipping away
I always reach when I'm thinking of words to say
All the things he does make it seem like love
If it's just a game
Then I like the way that we play

I'm gonna go for a run

I turned around to see a photo of him.
And i miss him.
I'll never get over him.

I'm trying so hard to be strong, make this promise work.
I'm trying to be happy. Work my way to see him.
But what if he completely doesn't feel the same towards me.
What will I do..

Alive?

I'm fifteen.
When's the last time I felt brought back to life?
When my dad was still alive?
When I was a Christian, believing God could deliver me?
Being with Dylon for nearly two years?
Sleeping over Amber's making stupid jokes?
When I was with Dylon in July last year?

Actually, I feel pretty much alive right now.

It' sad.

I break and lose everything.
No matter how careful I am, how hard I try to do that.
I break something, I lose something.
I don't deserve anything people give me.
Maybe not even the best of them either.
I'm trying to be positive, but it's really depressing
when you're prone to these kind of things.
And you lose/break something
really really really really REALLY
important...

I'm conent

No sad lie.

Hm...

I wonder if you've read my secret message yet?

Today, he told me.

Just randomly, me and this guy were talking, his name's Miguel. He's a senior.
We were talking about classes, poetry and our grades.
He told me that I deserve to be happy, otherwise I'd get wrinkles in my little forehead.
I stared at him, wondering why he told me that.
Because he knew nothing about me, I've never spoke or shown anything of my life to him.
We hugged goodbye to our next class, and he kissed me on my forehead.

It felt strange.

For once I wish.

I wish you would tell me you miss me too.

If I stay

And it's like as if my heart's failing.
More and more every time I'm extremely sick or in major pain.

I still believe in Us.

I haven't had much word about Dylon, till now anyway. I don't know, I'm sort of bummed about things, but I'm alright with it, I'm giving this time and space right now. I know he says I don't annoy him but I don't want to get him edgy if I can. Maybe I'll talk to him tomorrow. I don't know. But I'm okay, really.

Just really sick and exhausted. I wish I were reading right now, but..
I'm so tired, hahh.

I had a stickam session with Ben and some girls tonight, it wasn't exciting, I miss my stickam girlfriend Karitzaaa. :] Haha, 8 days till our one month, hahahaha.

Night bloggy<3

A new life

If I packed today, out tomorrow, kept walking for a few days, slept a little.
Miss home for a second, keep thinking for hours.
Today's going to be the day that I'm going to throw it back to you.
Change my name now, they'll never find me, ever, ever.
Days go to weeks, I've forgotten what day it is, it's been months hasn't it...
It's starting to snow.

If I could walk a thousand miles.
Do you think that the day comes that I end up at your door.
Would it be okay if I just said hello.
Just to hear your hello.
You're my favorite hello.
You're still my favorite hello.

I'm so sick of

My dance group all ready, they are honestly horrible. They're bratty, and they don't fucking listen! I love the girls, just not when it comes to choreographing and working on a dance with them.

I'm highly disappointed, They picked a song that I have absolute no knowledge about, and they don't do anything. I can't believe I came home early and wasted my time looking up music videos and dance mixes, studying 8 counts, all the jazz, just to figure out something all the girls would like. I worked out 3 parts to the songs we all decided we might work on. And they use some stupid spanish song. I absolutely hate that song, and I refuse to speak up because I knew I wouldn't hear the end of it.

I'm ready to quit them. Which isn't like me but son of a bitch! I might as well work by myself.

This is frustrating.

I came home early today. Horrible horrible cramps, and I was bleeding through my jeans.
...It wasn't pleasant.

Right now my biggest worry is my dance group at school.
They're fighting over what song to choose, and as being the third day follows up tomorrow.
I'm... just worried.
We've got a lot of work to do.

Lately I've been on another blog site called tumblr.
It's a lot of fun, no worries bloggy, you're my first love.
I've just decided to use tumblr as a site to post many thoughts through pictures, quotes, and little stories.

This side of the blog will be more about life, generals, and well this is more of the EVERYTHING.
:) I love you bloggy.

The moon was really big few days ago. Now I can't see it, it's sort of light out, it's not completely dark.
But, where's the moon?

i have a popsicle

it's pretty yummy

I don't hate you

But I still want you, but that's okay. I'm fine. :)

But I can't say you never did.


I'm doing extremely well... I'm still tired is all, but I think I've definitely picked up my game.

Fuck this.

I'm growing up, I'll smack myself if I have to.

I knew everything

I'm going to end up in the hospital at this rate.

It's over.

I'm dead. Mom.. Dad... Everyone, Dylon.

I'm ruined.