Happy February.

Not so happy me. I'm so tired, I'm irritable in the day time and when I think I'll get to relax when I get home I'm only lonely, seems like I'll be like this for the rest of my life, but what's the good of that thinking that way. I'm starting to feel distant and I just want to get away from everyone. Seriously I just wanna know, what would happen if I disappeared? And just never came back for a long time. How would people feel, what would they think, would it matter, of course it would; to some. but who truly cares. I miss the kind of people who would drop everything for me. I can't even imagine to know that I do that for people. I've wasted too much time, now I wanna do my thing.

I just looked back and now I'm fucked. What the hell am I suppose to do. Oh too fucking bad, your dad died, now what? Daddy, you're here aren't you? Where's Amber, I use to always run to her house. And Dylon, didn't you promise me, a forever, that you wouldn't leave no matter what...

How long am I going to be fucking depressed about this, just when I think I'm free I get into prison again, and I can only help myself but I guess I'm just not that strong, I have my decent days and then I'm locked up again. What the hell do I get myself in to. I don't go to anyone for help but god I wish someone would come get me, someone I expect to though. No, I don't want help, I should help myself. Isn't that how it always is? I can work my own mind so I should be able to right... Mom, Dad, do you still love me. Amber.. where's Amber. I can't run to her house anymore, no one's going to be there but a bunch of strangers. My dad's dead, and no one else is going to call me their princess.

I've been trying to keep my grades up, I printed out a paper to show to my mom, I put it on her door, when I got home, I found it in the trash with a bunch of random things and weird liquids covering it.... Did i not make her proud, is anyone proud of me. i'm alone in this house all day.

and when I go out, it's even more lonelier. I'm sick of it.