I call you up but you know, it's just never the same.
Before I woke up today, I thought I was seriously dying, I was so cold. I was shivering all over and my mom said I was blue. Thinking about it now seems pretty sick, but I'm no smurf. I'm so excited about passing my permit, soon I'll be able to actually drive and go see Dylon, sometimes I wonder if that's really worth it though. If I see him again this summer what would happen. Would we hook up for the time being or just be together. He's always got another girl, if he get's in a relationship by then I probably won't go then. But my other reason to go is to see Maddy. I know that probably sounds mean, I mean honestly I wanna see him, I wanna be with Dylon, I just wonder if our feelings are starting to become what would be called 'ceased' But I bet our feelings will [obviously] always be there. If we're next to each other, I'm pretty damn sure our feelings will just spark up again and we'll end up in bed cuddling all night giggling at the silliest things and waking up the next morning with me cuddled up into his chest and his arm around me, and I miss that so much. But I am so fucking okay with it, like if Dylon were to get another girl now or he's making out with other chicks, it's... whatever to me. As long as he's happy. I've been through this a million times, I still have a heart full of pain, a head full of stress...
Lately I've been thinking about the people like Amber and Jayce, saying that I've never done anything good for them and that I'm fucked up. Seriously, what I did was so wrong, helping out is so wrong? Anyone in my life who has taken me as an impact on their lives can never say I've done nothing for them.
Especially when the only two people in my life I gave up so much for, can never say I did nothing for them. That's just pure bullshit.
I wonder if Dylon ever gets happy around other girls, somethings he just never tells me. I remember when I made him happy.
Everything before August 2009 was pure perfection.
christmas 2008. ♥
Lately I've been thinking about the people like Amber and Jayce, saying that I've never done anything good for them and that I'm fucked up. Seriously, what I did was so wrong, helping out is so wrong? Anyone in my life who has taken me as an impact on their lives can never say I've done nothing for them.
Especially when the only two people in my life I gave up so much for, can never say I did nothing for them. That's just pure bullshit.
I wonder if Dylon ever gets happy around other girls, somethings he just never tells me. I remember when I made him happy.
Everything before August 2009 was pure perfection.
christmas 2008. ♥
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