But remember it's your fault I'm broken inside."
Of course, how could I forget... I'm just at fault here aren't I? The fault that I let you go to be off with another girl. It was my choice to say wasn't it. But I guess you really took that chance and really wanted to be with her, I'll think of her as a replacement, someone who can make you happy and be there for you physically, kiss you, hold you, speak to you in clear vision. Just a replacement, since I can't do it, not now anyway. But when I come around, will you come back to me, or just watch me. For months now I've been at a point where I was really just stopped, stuck and not wanting to go on with my life. Worse now, and I'm starting to feel the stupidity of my mind, and it vexes me. Everyday, everything, I finally realize that I HAVEN'T done anything wrong, I've done nothing wrong at all, I take people's shit, I take all of their pain, their blames, their wrongs, and put their scars on me, I'm the sacrifice for everything in where emotional and mental pain hurt most. This entire time I've been walking around injured.. bleeding everywhere for everyone's sake. "I'm sorry, I hurt you, I'm sorry I lied, why did I lie I'm so sorry" ... Why so sorry, why must you panic while apologizing, I forgive you, I give you another chance. All. The. Damn. Time. When have I never forgiven someone. "I won't ever hurt you [again], I promise" How many times have I heard this, How many times... I always say "Alright." with such a light expression, because I know they're going to hurt me again. Hypocrite. Should I test people? Should I sit in this dark room, see who dares to break the door down instead of banging against it yelling, screaming for me to open it up. I want someone to come to me, save me, pick me up from where i sit crying to myself and hold me. But I shouldn't, I'm independent and on my own again right? I have no one to depend on, no one to really go to. No one's home, nobody picks up the phone, it's just me, just me.
Are you taking me seriously? You're the only one here right now, and again I miss you so much, but you've been so busy with yourself lately, your own life, you don't tell me anything anymore. Why should I hold back, why do you get so angry when I'm with someone else, are you jealous? are you mad? You're with what keeps you going. Nothing but myself keeps me going now and it feels awkward walking on a string and no one there to hold my hand when I start losing my balance and fall. You know, have fun with your Life, I hope it takes you many places, I hope you're happy for however long you are with with any girl. I don't own you, you don't need me, but no matter what I will hopefully have you in the end when I can finally see and be with you physically. I haven't heard your voice in so long... it seems to be fading in my mind, I'm lost. You never know what you have till it's gone, you say you'd just say "fuck it" and move on, but would you really, truly be like that if something ever happened to me? If I either left or you never knew what happened?
You're adorable when you sleep, I'll kiss you sweet dreams every night. I'm not really going anywhere, are you there? Do you love me, Darling? Answer me, do you love me?
I love you.
Are you taking me seriously? You're the only one here right now, and again I miss you so much, but you've been so busy with yourself lately, your own life, you don't tell me anything anymore. Why should I hold back, why do you get so angry when I'm with someone else, are you jealous? are you mad? You're with what keeps you going. Nothing but myself keeps me going now and it feels awkward walking on a string and no one there to hold my hand when I start losing my balance and fall. You know, have fun with your Life, I hope it takes you many places, I hope you're happy for however long you are with with any girl. I don't own you, you don't need me, but no matter what I will hopefully have you in the end when I can finally see and be with you physically. I haven't heard your voice in so long... it seems to be fading in my mind, I'm lost. You never know what you have till it's gone, you say you'd just say "fuck it" and move on, but would you really, truly be like that if something ever happened to me? If I either left or you never knew what happened?
You're adorable when you sleep, I'll kiss you sweet dreams every night. I'm not really going anywhere, are you there? Do you love me, Darling? Answer me, do you love me?
I love you.
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