What am I going to do?

I want to run away to Lindsey's house. Run away and just sit there in her room. Draw or something, just be hugged by her. Held. For God knows what, she takes all my problems and it doesn't even matter if I tell her all the things that go on every week. I just WANT to talk to her. I don't care. I want to talk to her. Hear her talking to me, See her iming me on MSN. I just want her words being said to me. That's all I really want. Not dump my problems on her. Maybe not even now because I know I can tell her anything and everything without being thrown around.

I'm not sure what I'm going to do.... I'm going crazy. I'm still in love with Dylon. And I only like Matthias. This is getting difficult because he's too in love with me. It's a little hard for me to take control of. And every time I tell him that I can't do this and I'm not ready for another boy in a relationship or liking anyone... He still shows his love to me like he's crazy. Like he can't live without me. And it's only been a week. How do I, we, him, how did this all even get attached. I can't do this I can't. I can't like him.

I want Dylon to give me another chance. Just be strong again to be back in the position of being his. Why does it have to hurt me... Why does he have to hurt me... I wanna know if he ever talks bad about me sometimes. Honestly yeah I am his best friend, and to him he says I am. But with all his ex's he's said a bunch of bad stuff about them. If it comes to anyone else or the girl he likes... Does he tell her I'm 'annoying' too...?
I want to run to Dylon too. Run through his door, find him on the computer or laying on his bed and just fall into his arms.

... Do i deserve this?