If you could read my mind, you'd be in tears.

I've been feeling a bit moody, Lately I've been feeling a bit shitty because I've been thinking about everything that's gone on, how I'm always a very nice girl, letting go of the mistakes, taking people in, comforting them, fighting for them to protect them from others, and they use me, abuse my mentality, raze my emotions, they always take me for granted and when I feel they're set using me, I leave them and I get punched in the face for it, I cry too much and I never understand it.

But I've been thinking, what if, I could just yell at everyone, tell them to fuck off, and curse them out, tell them off. I've had my chances where I could have stood on the top of the highest stage, scream into a microphone for an audience of the people that hurt me most in life and the ones who are just as bad. I could have told Dylon a few hundred times many things, things that could leave him angry, not caring and walk away and be a better person. The last time he broke up with me back in May, I wished at that time... I wished, I wished that I could have broken up with him first, hurt him, tell him all the things that could stab him, right. where. it. hurts.

Just so he could feel my pain the way I do just once, ONCE. I'd like for ANYONE to feel my pain the way I do. It makes me want to just go away, live under water in a dome like Sandy Cheeks from Spongebob.make friends with a sponge, you know...

It kills when you care about someone, you lack the hatred, and all you can do and feel is love and care. If my mind were reality, the pain people have scarred me would be written by a razor blade all over my arms and sides. Because all I ever try to do is hold them.

No one can take me at my worst, so no one deserves me at my best.
It's just that simple line that's drawn out for almost everyone.
I've been trusting less, and my trust is so hard to gain now, it's just that bad.

Like Diyahna, apologizing to me, telling me that I should have been treated like a princess, sorry for everything that was ever said and that had happened, telling me that she's changed, and she wants to prove it to me.
Everyone's sorry, I'm not stabbing myself in the back for anyone anymore.

She wants to try so hard to get me back, I'm just another person is which I want to say to her. It's been a cycle to her, she's always been upset, she's always going to be a PMS and she'll always fight with me, maybe she has changed, she's 18 now, once the day you find out you're getting older you think about over the years and get a reality check right? Maybe.

I don't know, I really don't know, it changes who I am, the emotional abuse I mean. At this point and time I just wonder, where will the relationship/friendship of me and Dylon go to? What will happen, will we really be together for good as we... or maybe I wanted? I feel like just a normal friend to Dylon now, I don't know if that's bad or not, I'm not his girlfriend at all right now, and probably not for a while, who knows? But I'm so over the break up back in May, and I'm set where I am, I know we've shared kisses, cuddles and some sexual acts in July, it was basically friends with benefits, and in a sense I'm okay with that because as a best friend I trust him. I'm just so normal with this all.

Love is real, people are fake.

I'm not any better than the person standing next to me, but for a split second I feel like I'm the only one treating the biggest things that are small to people, right.

This cookies and creme ice cream sure does make me smile a little, it tastes really good, but my tummy is starting to hurt. I am really starting to think I'm becoming lactose intolerant.
Bye.

<3Kitten