You wouldn't know love if it crushed your fucking chest.

I haven't posted anything in detail of Life and stuff lately...

So, I found out that Dylon actually smoked cigarettes for a while now, I was disappointed, but I can't do anything about it.
I can't stop him, I have nothing to say to him, and plus, I've done it myself, I did smoke, but I never craved it, I'm not addicted and I am not doing it again, and I regret myself. Yeah, I really do. I still feel like a disappointment from Dylon that one day saying that He couldn't believe that I was once this young innocent girl, and now here I am. I smoked, I drink rarely and I believe I have a bad personality, I shouldn't complain, I can change. But every time I think about me 2 years before. I feel horrible, like I still want to be that sweet colorful little girl to Dylon, to Amber, Nikki, everyone.

I feel like a huge disappointment, and I am in remorse for it.
If anyone knew me Amber and Dylon would say something about it, I was always giddy, when I was depressed I would get right back on track with techno and candy. My style was colorful I was all about the rainbow and raves. Dylon was the most amazing thing that has ever happened to me, all the things he said to me, I... I can't ever forget them. But... When he speaks to me now, I remember what he said, and when I see him in my mind, all I can say is, I believe him anyways.
Because for the most part were promises, broken, I don't blame him, I know he'll probably read this but I REALLY don't blame him, I'm too far for him, but I know he loves me hopefully ♥.

I just want to get faded, stare out the window watching everything in slow motion again. I don't even know who I am at all anymore, I know what I've done my name's Napelah.
But I can't seem to find it in me, or create who I am.

Lately, I just feel like I'm losing, like I'm always losing Dylon to some other girl, and it's because I'm not even there. It's as if I have to hear him say why he loves me often for me to feel alright.

And at the same time, it's his free doing, again, I don't control him. But I always want to call him my Baby boy. Just like me, I always want to be his baby girl, I miss it when he calls me all the cute names. Especially Princess. In his silly playful voice, he'd call me Princess and be goofy.

To be honest, when he would call me Princess, especially when at times it's usually baby or Kitty, etc, at my worst times, our worst times, he would call me Princess
I remember the way he sent me ims at 2 in the morning on AIM...
I wouldn't answer him, he was pissed, I was out of it.
I couldn't, I don't know.

But something about this makes me remember the very first time someone tried to get rid of me
And he got angry that someone would really be so stupid as to get rid of me, out of his life, make me cry. And he was angry, absolutely angry, he snapped and everything, and I remember his words, but I imagine his voice saying them all the time: "I'd never want you to leave my life" , "If I wanted you out, I would tell you" , "I love you, when I speak with you, when I'm with you, I'm at peace" , "I'd never take advantage of an Angel like you"

Sweet nothings whisper across his lips, and I still believe his word. He's the only one who protects me anymore, my Guardian Angel.

But to me, to him, I am no Angel, I am nothing that I see is beautiful or perfect in his eyes, because I'm a totally different person. Even if I do have imperfections, I'm just stupid for even talking like this.

How heart-trending, it's agitating. Maybe it'll be different when I'm in his arms finally. I can hear his words while I'm there, press my face and nuzzle into his chest and just be held in his arms, and if I could hear him say he loves me, I wouldn't ever want that moment to ever end...

*•.¸¸.•*♡*•.¸¸.•*♡*• .¸¸.•*♡*•.¸¸.•*♡*•.¸ *•.¸¸.•*♡*•.¸¸.•*♡*• .¸¸.•*♡*•.¸¸.•*♡*•.¸¸.•*

So, Abby slept over, and I am now a Japanese Visual Kei kid, haha, by the looks of my hair. She left a while ago, I miss her. and then my body started hurting, I could barely eat my Happy Kids Meal, but hey, I got a sick toy, Ice Age inspired, and I got Scrat, I love my new toy, I've been playing with it now for 7 hours...