I'm nearly, sort of, almost home...

So, I'm sitting here with my cousin, charging my ipod on her laptop, waiting for the few hours that I have left in Thailand to leave here back to America.
I have to admit I miss my dogs and my Aunts the most, my little cousins were alright, for an entire month, I guess I got more stuck to loving people more because I never know what will happen in the minute, the day, nothing.

Especially since my cousin is sick, and is still crying at the fact that I'm gone for another very long time, I said I wouldn't be back until I may possibly be engaged. Or... if on purpose my mom decides to be paranoid again, which is not a good thing.

Bottom Line Fact: 97% of ASIAN PARENTS are HIGHLY PARANOID.

Well, I'm anxious, I get to see Dylon soon, I don't know what I'm going to do, I wouldn't pass any second of my chance with him. I have so much to say to him, I most likely really do, I mean, since December 15th 2007, just me and him, my true best friend, my lover. It's been a while, and I'd do anything for him. I'd give up a lot just as I've always been for him, everything was for him, I spoiled him differently instead of money and riches.

Actually, before I even met and went out with Dylon, I was totally single for about 10-11 months, I was entirely happy, carefree, fun and fancy free. Didn't care what came my way, depression came and went, I didn't have much problem with anything except for my insomnia. But still, at the time when I dreamt of a real boyfriend one day because all of my ex's fucked me over, left me for another girl, cheated on me, left me because I wasn't good enough, that I could do something better with someone else, I mean, I feel like the only one trying in a relationship.

I wanted to see that one day I'd have a guy who would tell me why I'm beautiful in the smallest and big things, scream me any song from the bands that literally make my heart melt, or sing a song that puts me to sleep in their arms, tells me they love me instead of me being the one to say it all the time. And since I always have a spazzy, cutesy omfgiwanttostabher kind of bubbly attitude, I'd love for the guy to make cute names and noises with me, who'll go back and forth with me with our nicknames, and just cuddle and wrestle, playfight.

To be honest, my relationship with Dylon started out that way, I still do all the voices and calling him all the cute names, but he doesn't really do it back, or all the time, he's a little more grown up for it now, I feel as though my personality doesn't run through to be the reason why he wants to be with me, but then again, I don't believe that.
And also, I'm perfectly fine being in a boyfriend+girlfriend relationship with Dylon however it turns out.
And, I guess... I'm pretty much fine with being best friends when we're not together.
but, it's always a huge problem when there's another girl in the story, I never know whay I'd be able to do. I feel that I always lose to other girls, like they're so much better, prettier, everything 10x more than me. i guess that's what makes me want to walk away all the time...