2:15am conversations...

Narcotik Defect (2:13:47 AM): whatever mood your in, if your crying or not,
you can always get ahold of me. it may not be a enter key away,
but it is a phone call away.
ill talk to you tomorrow, night.

Yes, Dylon, I was and am crying. But no you will not be talking to me tomorrow night...

Does he even get it? I love him so much, but he's so stupid, I want to smack him so hard, so hard, so very hard.
I can't talk to him, I don't want to but I can't stop. This is so stupid. I'm pathetic, what. the. fuck!

Narcotik Defect (2:17:18 AM): theres so many thoughts you dont even know i had.

Then what are they?
Can I know? What's the point in me living anymore... I don't think I'm even worth it at all. Why do I depend my life on him, why is it the choice that if he's gone so is my life. The only person who knows me well, so far away. Why do I have to be here, why can't I be in his arms right now, if I were we would still be together, I'm so confused.

I want to go to sleep, a deep sleep.
Why does he keep calling me Kitty, I hear him calling me 'Napelah' all the time in my head.
I miss it when he calls me Baby Girl, Princess, Angel, Kitten. I miss it all
Nostalgia hits again.

I want to get out of here. I need to get out of here.
He doesn't ever tell me he loves me anymore
yet he swears he loves me, what do I do, what do I do, what's his side of the story, this isn't fair to him, I'm saying too much, I need to shut up, I need to get out, I need to get out, I want to be oppressed, I can't take it. So much depression and no more anti depressants.

I sound like a stupid sad little so called 'emo kid' Truthfully, I don't give a fuck about this.

Right now, I just want to be with my Prince, my knight in black hoodie.
I could just drift away right now, but it isn't my wish....

He swears he doesn't want me to leave
Then why does he hurt me?
is he worth it?
Opinions aren't needed....

I want to be heartless. and see if he even cared possibly to be the one who had the key to my heart to put it all together and allow me to know what it's like to love, be confused, happy and sad all over again.
Would that be worth feeling then?

I want to marry this kid, I want to grow old and have kids together, I may sound like i'm moving too fast
i'm killing myself over this, but i am truly, madly, deeply in love with this kid, it's insane.

Father just put me to sleep now. for a couple years or so...

My mind hurts.