Where do I start?

And how do I end?

So I'm just going to guess you're reading this right now, because who else would.. When you're the only one that follows me, because I wanted you to be the only one to know all of my thoughts, and emotions, all of that. But now It seems like you don't even deserve to know anything at all that goes on in my life. I'm not even going to start by saying that I'm a cool person and that I was the best or that I will ever love you more than anyone else will. Because who else is going to be there to back that up. So here I go for the millionth time, Yeah, it will always be you, you will always be that first and only guy I ever loved and to me you'll always be the only guy, not just a guy. You're still a dick but I love you haha.

I don't know if I should be saying this like you're the one to blame but I'm just saying, I've looked at this mess you've made and I've been so unhappy for so long. Everyone's fighting, no ones there with or without a wall, and there are times where I've always looked at your pictures and said "Fuck you you were never there for me when I needed you most" But then again, no one is, So I'm letting it all go for now even though it seems like I have for a while. I love you always, I miss you all the time, but I'm taking down the pictures, I'm putting away all the books, I'm gonna go on cloud 9 and keep my head in the sky. Maybe when I become who I feel is myself you'll see I'm not just a girl. I never was, and I'm sorry that you thought that way.

Maybe this was too long too read. If I were you I'd read it, I hope you got this far. That means you do care. And I haven't doubted that. But I miss you. Abby misses you. She talks about you in better words than I do. But sometimes, please do text me, i don't know what it is, and we weer suppose to be "best friends forever" but it's okay. I think I'm over it all now, until that day probably ever comes, I'm done with this. But show me that you care you know? I hope you're doing good and that you don't think I'm stupid and that emotional. You're a realist and it pisses me off all the time because it seems more like you don't take into consideration yet when its others you care so much about what's happened about their day that makes them so upset. I can say something and you'll never say a word. I'm not the hottest girl you've ever seen even though you've always told me every attractive word in the english language that made me feel absolutely beautiful, I probably can't take your breath away or impress your friends like you use to tell me I did, but I can make you laugh and make you feel wanted and sometimes I guess I can be cute. I really wish I could be enough just that once.

Because I had really hoped this would work out finally. For me, for us. Something into a better world even though we're so far apart. I'm sorry that there was nothing that could have kept things strong and together.

Bye. This is my last post, but I'll come on just to see what you write if you ever do. Think of this as me, I'll listen to anything, everything you have to say, can't and won't judge you, put you in your place or think of you any different or less than amazing.
Good luck, have fun, stay out of trouble
and stay bright my firefly.

Ouch

That is so fucked up, what the fuck

I really do think you're done with me,

What's your deal, seriously, you stop replying after I told you I missed you?
But I guess it's not your fault.

Oh well, I guess I'll keep doing what I do until I find that answer front and center. I don't know why I complain when all we had were good memories. I feel bad for turning all the good boys down for any reason because I still wanted to hold your hand besides anyone. I was probably at one point your first, but I'll never be anyone's first. I'm independent now, I'm not going to die, never was, without you. But it still would have been really nice to say "Yeah, my best friend's awesome" When I have none, and you were the only one I had, even though I can never count on you.

Why don't you slip into something more comfortable

Like a Coma.

I'm just running in circles all the time, will you take what's left of me?

Which is still all of me, by the way.

This summer, which starts in two days for me, as much as I'm excited for all these club events and concerts I'm going to, I'm still lonely in a crowded room of over a thousand people, and thinking about it more and more, makes me feel paranoid and claustrophobic.

It's really sad to think

That I had such high hopes for all the things in my life to be perfect. Sure, nothing's perfect, but to me they were. The only boy I fell in love with, perfect, my friends, perfect, family, perfect. Now that Reality beat me up I see every little flaw and it makes me upset and I notice it too much. Now, all of that seems to move farther and farther away from me, young at sixteen years old and I feel like not making it by 18. Everything I put in someone who I thought I could call my better half, I don't know much of the details, or let alone any answers, but everything makes me feel like I'm giving up. But there I am again just complaining. I haven't given up, I don't want to. And I'm okay, I guess, content close enough to happy. And I won't let anyone sweep me off my feet, if that sort of thing exists. But aside of that I've found that I'm so shy, I don't know how to exactly say what I want to say. And another thing, I can't wait for this summer.

I actually hate fighting for my own and myself. For once I want someone who tell me and with sincerity say they fight to live and protect me. I don't mean that in relationships and stuff. Just someone. Being on my own is alright, but it's too lonely for me.

“He broke up with you, right? After telling you he loved you and calling you pet names like baby and cutie? Yeah, I know he lavished you in compliments, only to put himself down so you would stroke his fake low ego. Did he tell you that you were beautiful? I bet he promised you a personalized song. Or maybe he’d always mention how he was lying in bed and wished you were there. He dragged “I love you” out of you, didn’t he? Yeah, don’t deny it. He would talk to you last thing at night and first thing in the morning. He constantly mentioned losing sleep over you, every night, but we both know he slept like a rock. He made you love pictures that were just sort of “bleh” before. Did you delete those pictures after he broke your heart? Yeah, me too. All of your friends hate him now, don’t they? Remember how happy they were for you? They warned you. Just remember, it’s okay to cry. And referring to him as “asshole” is perfectly expected. Because, trust me, you’ll end up talking about him just as often, if not more, than before the break up. There will be the “one time”s and the “I remember”s, and once you think you’re over him, watch out. You better keep your eyes closed in the hallways, because I promise you, the next time you see him, he’ll be all over some other girl. A little part of you will want to warn her, but nobody will blame you for hating her and for blaming her for your pain. Yeah, you’ll compare all guys to him, because aside from the man-whorish, heart-breaker thing, he was perfect. He was everything you had ever wanted. Or maybe you made that up. Maybe, the second he started to show interest, you made up this perfect guy in your head, and he just happened to be just like him. Listen, you will find the perfect guy for you just like everybody says you will, and it will be soon. Okay, so I didn’t believe it either, but I’m starting to.The most important thing though is don’t let him know he hurt you. Don’t let him know he could have you back in a heartbeat. Don’t give him that satisfaction. Make him think you’re completely happy. When he decides to wave at you like nothing ever happened, wave back, sure. But don’t smile. Make him think he meant as little to you, as you obviously meant to him.”

Alright cool, don't answer me.

Seriously, it sounds like you're sugarcoating it, we don't have to talk.
Like that hasn't already happened.