I am losing my mind

And I can't stop crying
I'm so sick of myself.
How did I become this type of person.
This is sickening and disappointing.
- - -

Dear Mom
I'm sorry I'm not a perfect Daughter, I'm sorry I yelled at you and treated you like shit all the time, but I guess I just stuck with the golden rule of 'Treat others the way you wanted to be treated' and you know, when you yell at me and stuff, I'm gonna act the way I do. But I guess that's just pointless, you and Bam both. Closest to family I have left but I'm just sorry. I should just be a normal daughter, work hard in school, keep my grades up and get into as much trouble as i can and want without getting caught, heh. But i still don't enjoy the rest of the family

Lindsey,
You're an amazing girl, I'm sorry I don't tell you enough of my Life or my problems, but i'm seriously sick of telling you what's wrong with me every day, I rather just talk. I love you. You're sweet, smart, and so funny. I can't wait to see you one day. I can't wait to do all the things we said we would one day. I can't wait to share moments with you. You're the reason why I drop the drugs down and move on for the better. Because you've been straight up with me, you've pushed me down, looked at me and made sure I got up on my own with no help or support with other things, because you know i can be strong, and you're my inspiration and a big part of my life i don't want to lose. you have no idea how much you mean to me. you seriously are something else and i enjoy and love every minute of it

Dylon,
Honestly, I hate your girlfriend, i hate all the girls you at one point like or went out with and i found them all out. I love you more than anything or anyone. I'm sorry I've been 'flirtatious' and totally unappealing mentally, emotionally and physically to your eyes. I don't know what it is, I guess I seek the physical attention that I want from a guy, and when I'm held by a guy I only think of you. It's sad that I'm calling every one of my friends by your name and they get mad at me for it hehe. I do cry every night, wishing that i can be in your arms again. i wish i were back in july. i wish these stupid little things that set off all my problems never started. i love you, i do. i want you back, i miss your kisses, your hugs, your cuddles, your ability to make me smile... i want you back. this is killing me...